I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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