Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
