Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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