Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
