My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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