I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
