So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
