rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
