He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
