Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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