How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
