so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
