I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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