How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
