After last night, I could never be a politician.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
