What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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