I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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