you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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