Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
