so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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