So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
