she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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