I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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