Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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