The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I currently don't understand fingers.
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