Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The beer is more important than you right now.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
