guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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