There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
