They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
