If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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