like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
