I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
jump out the window naked night went bad
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