i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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