my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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