FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
