spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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