just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize