I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
