The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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