God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize