I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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