can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
