If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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