So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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