never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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