Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you had me at cake vodka
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize