why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also, beer. Big fan.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
