so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
