So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
