2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize