the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
