i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The power of my boobs compel you
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
