yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
