dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
