Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
