but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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