I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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