Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
