the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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