my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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