On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
im on a boat
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