why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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