Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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