Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
